1.  
  2. Jack:  Sometimes, when Jill isn’t around to punish me for being bad, I have to smack Her cock around.  Today, I drove home with this hard on and let a lady in a Jeep get a glimpse of Jill’s cock as I passed her.  She almost rear-ended the car in front of her.  I suppose I could get a ticket for indecent exposure, reckless driving, and endangering others.  Hence the punishment.

    Jack:  Sometimes, when Jill isn’t around to punish me for being bad, I have to smack Her cock around.  Today, I drove home with this hard on and let a lady in a Jeep get a glimpse of Jill’s cock as I passed her.  She almost rear-ended the car in front of her.  I suppose I could get a ticket for indecent exposure, reckless driving, and endangering others.  Hence the punishment.

     
  3. image: Download

    Jack:  Is that a shampoo bottle she’s fucking herself with?  Damn!

Obviously, hair product manufacturers are missing the beat by not creating bottles that are fun to stuff up inside their consumers’ pussies.  I suppose it’s only a matter of time…

    Jack: Is that a shampoo bottle she’s fucking herself with? Damn!

    Obviously, hair product manufacturers are missing the beat by not creating bottles that are fun to stuff up inside their consumers’ pussies. I suppose it’s only a matter of time…

    (Source: lynnedaniels)

     
  4.  
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  6. image: Download

    Jack:  LAZY-ASS BITCHES who don’t put their carts in the cart return because they can’t walk 20 feet!!!!!…and my paint job pays the price!!!
Put your Twinkies in the trunk and get some exercise!!!

    Jack:  LAZY-ASS BITCHES who don’t put their carts in the cart return because they can’t walk 20 feet!!!!!…and my paint job pays the price!!!

    Put your Twinkies in the trunk and get some exercise!!!

     
  7. image: Download

    smokedpork:

Keeping things interesting through dares



Jack:  Bombs away!!!

    smokedpork:

    Keeping things interesting through dares

    Jack: Bombs away!!!
     
  8. image: Download

    sexysluttysarah69:

Wow that would be a fun afternoon.


Jack:  See no evil.  Speak no evil.

    sexysluttysarah69:

    Wow that would be a fun afternoon.

    Jack: See no evil. Speak no evil.
     
  9. image: Download

    garabating:

Michele Bruttomesso
     
  10. housewife4fantasylife:

XOXO H4FL


Jack:  So funny…When I saw the thumbnail on the archive page, I thought she was kissing herself in the mirror!  I’m not sure which version gets me off more.  :-P

    housewife4fantasylife:

    XOXO H4FL

    Jack: So funny…When I saw the thumbnail on the archive page, I thought she was kissing herself in the mirror! I’m not sure which version gets me off more. :-P

    (Source: hotwife4hubby)

     
  11. image: Download

    soooooobi:

 


Jack:  Contrast her look of innocence with her tank top…

    soooooobi:

     

    Jack: Contrast her look of innocence with her tank top…

    (Source: busty-glamour)

     
  12. image: Download

    erospainter:

back-to-beautiful:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:


A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

REBLOG FOR ALL OF THE COMMENTS YESSS

on a mission to hit a million reblogs are you guys and girls in to help me?

    erospainter:

    back-to-beautiful:

    marionisamuffin:

    pleasantandcain:

    fromladytolifter:

    candidlycara:

    dance-in-the-shadows:

    gracediamondsfear:

    wifeyknowsbest:

    whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:

    A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!

    Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

    this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

    i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

    God.

    My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”

    THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.

    THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.

    it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

    For that last comment.

    I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.

    Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

    On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

    Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?

    Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

    Story time:

    I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”

    Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.

    Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

    It got better.

    REBLOG FOR ALL OF THE COMMENTS YESSS

    on a mission to hit a million reblogs are you guys and girls in to help me?

     
  13. SQUIRREL!!!

    SQUIRREL!!!

     
  14. Jack:  Amen.

    Jack: Amen.

    (Source: peter-the-apostle)

     
  15. (Source: bootyoftheday)